Posts by Laura Halford
Friday’s Thoughts: The Oak and the Reeds
Staying upright in the storm takes strength. So does knowing when to bend. An old fable and what research says about psychological flexibility.
Read MoreObserve, Orient, Decide, Act
Why borrow a military idea for your marriage? OODA stands for Observe, Orient, Decide, Act. Military strategist John Boyd created it to help people make good decisions when things are moving fast and the information is incomplete. Life as a first responder couple can feel like that: shifting schedules, stress that follows you home, and…
Read MoreFall Down Seven Times, Stand Up Eight
There is a Japanese proverb that goes: fall down seven times, stand up eight. It describes something nearly everyone goes through on the way to change. Notice the arithmetic. The proverb does not say you will stop falling. It assumes you will fall seven times. The only number that matters is the last one. Falling…
Read MoreCommunication that Cures Problems
When your partner is upset, the pull to fix it, explain it, or defend yourself is strong. It’s also usually what makes things worse. Most people don’t need the problem solved first. They need to know you understood it. Three things that show you understand The word “show” matters. Understanding your partner privately doesn’t help…
Read MoreThe Man Dangling from the Cliff
A traditional parable. A traveler was crossing a mountain trail after dark when the ground gave way beneath him. He dropped into the blackness, and as he fell his hand closed around a branch growing out of the cliff. He held on. All night he hung there, arms burning, freezing, calling out for someone to…
Read MoreWhy Couples Get Stuck in the Same Fight
If your car were stuck in sand, and you kept pressing the gas, you’d likely get more deeply entrenched in the sand and unable to get the car out by yourself. Sometimes we find ourselves pushing harder for our position, attempting to convince our partner to our view, only to cause the rift to deepen.…
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